From Silence to Strength: Reclaiming Your Voice

Last week I talked about the difficulty in opening myself up and being real and transparent. It was a brief but difficult foray into my past. Several times since posting I've almost gone back and hit delete. I'm glad I didn't.

From the amazing feedback I received, I can tell that my story resonated with many of you. You who have gone through your own negative experiences. Experiences that have buried or taken away your voice. They've made you feel less than, unimportant, and disregarded. You know you still have much to say though, but things are getting in the way.

Things like:

You don’t feel worthy to be heard.

You’ve been led to believe that what you have to say doesn’t matter.

It’s easier, and less confrontational, to let someone else do the talking.

When you do speak up you get belittled, judged, and condemned.

If any of this sounds familiar, know that you deserve the freedom and the space to find your voice and let it be heard. Your thoughts and opinions matter. You are worthy. If you are on a similar path, I’ve put together some ideas that may be helpful to you in your journey.

Self-Reflection. When I’m getting to know new clients, I ask what brings them joy. I’m often met with crickets. Many of them have no idea what they truly enjoy or what they might enjoy given the chance.

Take some time to get to know yourself. What are your values, beliefs, and passions? What do you stand for? You can’t speak your truth if you don’t know it. Start by being alone with yourself. Just you and your thoughts. Journal, meditate and reflect on what connects with your soul.

Recognize Your Worth. When I was with my abuser, I felt like I had to apologize for the very air I breathed. I didn’t speak in the right tone, I didn’t always dress the way he wanted me to dress, I didn’t make him feel loved enough, and the list goes on. My self-worth plummeted and my voice went with it.

Building your self-worth is vital to finding your voice. You can start by challenging and replacing negative talk. Question that inner critic that plays on a loop through your head. Are those thoughts true? What is the truth? Then replace them with positive affirmations and reminders of your strengths. Yes, you have strengths. If you don’t know what they are, ask trusted friends for their input.

Be Authentic. My husband and I belong to a recovery group that meets every week. There’s a lady there who is so unabashedly open that it amazes me. She doesn’t hold anything back. She doesn’t seem to care about other’s opinions in the least. Her joys, her struggles, her love for others, it’s all out there. She is my hero. I can only begin to imagine what that might feel like and the courage it would take. It looks wonderful and scary all at the same time.

Everyone has their own unique voice. You are no exception. The world needs your perspective even (and especially) when it comes with a few quirks and eccentricities. Look at yourself and your actions objectively. Is your behavior consistent with who you really are? If your values include being open, honest, and authentic then how do your actions line up with that?

Be Vulnerable. Years ago I had a little dachshund named Max that I absolutely adored. I felt like he chose me because I found him out on the road one day far from any other house and he jumped in my car like he had been waiting on me. I had him for five years and I was extremely attached to that little guy. One day he got out of the fence and a car stopped and he was picked up. Even though I was yelling at the top of my lungs they either didn’t hear me or didn’t care. He was gone and I was devastated. I shared my depression and grief at church not long after. I was laughed at by one person and had another shame me for comparing my feelings over “just” losing a dog to someone else’s “real” grief.

You will get hurt when you start to open up. People can be tactless, rude, and insensitive. There’s no getting around human nature and sometimes human nature sucks. Start by sharing your thoughts and opinions with those that you know will listen and support. Those are the ones that matter anyway. Those are your people. Let them in and give them the same gift in return.

Be Compassionate. I’m my own worst critic. After most conversations, I tend to go back and rerun the tape in my head of what was said. Did I say something wrong? How was it perceived? Should I have said this or that instead? It’s no wonder I have trouble letting my voice be heard!

Be kind to yourself. Allow yourself to be human. Own your mistakes, apologize when necessary, and then do your best to let it go. This is a good place for those positive affirmations!

Finding your voice is a continuous process of growth and self-discovery. It’s not something that happens overnight and it isn’t easy. Remember that you are not alone. This is a process that many of us are struggling through. Embrace the ups and downs of the journey knowing that every step brings you closer to your authentic self. Most importantly, trust that you are worthy, your voice is powerful, and you deserve to be heard. Keep putting yourself out there, and in time, you will find the strength and confidence to express your true self fully.

“and when we speak we are afraid

our words will not be heard

nor welcomed

but when we are silent

we are still afraid

So, it is better to speak”

A Litany for Survival by Audre Lorde