Change Ahead: Cracking the Code of Resistance and Paving the Way to Progress

“I know the things I’m supposed to be doing, but I just can’t seem to make myself do them. It’s hard!” This was from a client talking about the difficulty of making lifestyle changes. I’m sure you can relate. You decide to start a new eating plan, exercise more, or go to bed earlier. You get one or two days in, and then you revert right back to your old habits. You’re frustrated and feel like a failure.

Oh, you are not alone, my friend. There have been countless Mondays when I have tried to start a new plan. I’ve been so motivated at the beginning of the week, but by Thursday, it’s a distant memory. Sometimes I’ve been successful, but often I have fallen back into my old habits quicker than you can say “Maybe I’ll start next Monday.” Why is it so difficult to make changes, even when those changes are for our own good?

Blazing New Trails and Fear of the Unknown

Change is hard because we are creatures of habit. We develop routines and automatic behaviors that become deeply ingrained in our daily lives. They are familiar and require little energy. Making changes to those patterns requires effort and persistence. Picture a well-worn path through the forest. It’s far easier to stay on that trail than to step off and try to forge a new one. Going in a new direction you will have to figure out the best way forward, tackle challenges along the way, and you might even have to double back and start over because of a wrong turn. Making a change, just like cutting a new trail, will require time, energy, and patience.

Change often involves stepping into the unknown, triggering fear, anxiety, and uncertainty. Our brains are wired to prioritize safety and security, so anything threatening our sense of stability can activate the brain's fear response, making change feel daunting and uncomfortable. It doesn’t matter if the supposed danger is just adding in a healthy habit or dropping an unhealthy one.

Going Whole Hog, Not Prepared, Giving Up, and Peer Pressure

Sometimes the difficulty of change stems from our actions. Trying to make too many changes at one time can set us up for failure. You know how that works. You decide to overhaul your eating, start waking up early to exercise, and not yell at your kids anymore. It’s 5 pm on the first day, and you’re hungry and tired, and the kids are jumping rope with your last nerve. Odds are good by the second day all your good intentions are out the window.

Another way we self-sabotage our efforts is by not looking ahead to possible challenges. Just like forging a new trail, obstacles and setbacks will come up. When unforeseen challenges arise, stress and anxiety skyrocket. Without a plan, we may react impulsively instead of strategically. As the saying goes, “failing to plan for problems is planning to fail.”

Outside influences can make change difficult as well. Social norms, peer influence, and family expectations can put significant pressure on us to conform to the status quo and resist change. Fear of judgment or rejection from others can break even our best intentions to change. In my mid-30s, I went on a strict vegetarian diet. During that time, I received constant judgment and criticism for my food choices, mostly from my family. It was stressful to attend holiday get-togethers and even just a simple meal out at a restaurant was cause for anxiety. Pressure to conform to our circles can be the hardest to resist.

Now What?

We know making a change is hard. So, what can we do? What does it take to make positive, lasting lifestyle changes? Here are six ways to help you make the changes you want to see in your life:

Get clear on your Why. Dig deep. Why do you want to make a change? What is so important or valuable about the change? What is pushing you towards trying something new? If you succeed, what would that look like in your life? What else would change? If you don’t make the change, what would your life be like? Once you understand the why, you will have a better understanding of your priorities and motivators, and the more likely change will happen.

Break it down. What’s the overall change you want to make? What are the actions that need to happen to make that change? Now pick one or two of those actions. That’s it! Work on that for a week, two weeks, a month. However long it takes to make that a regular habit. Then you add another. How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.

Stack your habits. Let an existing habit be the trigger for the new habit. An example would be doing squats while waiting for your coffee to brew, or meditating for five minutes after you brush your teeth. Habit stacking is a simple way to make daily changes that will be more likely to continue.

Identify your roadblocks. Challenges, setbacks, bumps in the road. Whatever you want to call them, you can rest assured that you will encounter obstacles along the way. Identify possible scenarios and make contingency plans. I get asked about how to navigate eating healthy during holiday events. Ask yourself some questions. What types of food will be served? Will you bring food from home? What will you say when Aunt Linda wants to know why you aren’t eating seconds of her casserole? A little strategizing ahead of time will help you to feel in control of the situation.

Reward yourself. Why do millions of people sign up to run road races? We like incentives! I’ve run more than my fair share of races, all for a t-shirt. There’s nothing wrong with rewarding yourself. It could be as simple as getting a massage after consistently hitting your workout goals for the month. Strategic rewards along the way will provide motivation and give you something to look forward to.

Get support. Asking for and accepting help will strengthen your commitment to change. You might consider enlisting friends or family members to hold you accountable. Join groups that are working on similar objectives. Coaches are trained to help you make healthy lifestyle changes. And if you feel completely overwhelmed and unable to move forward, consider speaking with a therapist. Whatever you do, find your people. Find the ones who will cheer for you, give you constructive criticism, and raise you to a higher standard. They will be invaluable.

While the road to change may be challenging, understanding why change is hard equips us with the knowledge and tools to navigate it more effectively. It’s a journey filled with twists, turns, and unexpected detours, yet it’s through this journey that we evolve, grow, and ultimately thrive. Let’s embrace the adventure, knowing that every step moves us closer to the best version of ourselves!

Change is hard. But you can do it!